Click here to send us your inquires or call (852) 36130518
December 14th, 2006

(Editor Note: My big sis, the Bad Girl Venom, wrote this column for a magazine awhile back but it never got published. It broke down how dudes have different chicks that play different positions a.k.a. The Starting Line Up. Me, I don’t have a team per se (wink, wink) so I’m cool with posting this ish and putting my homies on blast for the sake of a good read. But don’t worry fellas, women are slightly retarded and they won’t use any of this knowledge to their advantage).

The Starting Line Up by South Cack’s First Lady, The Bad Girl Venom

Why does it seem like men nowadays marry lame women? I mean seriously, let’s take a closer look at what the hell is really going on. As a single woman I meet more married men in clubs, bars, frequenting the strip clubs and on out of town trips (like Black Bikers Weekend, etc). What the hell is going on so bad at home that they don’t want to be there? Instead they would rather lie to us single women and waste our time like we don’t want to be married too. And to add insult to injury, they find a fly independent shortie like me and want to add us to the team. Don’t think I don’t know about the starting lineup.

The Point Guard – The wife or baby momma. Somehow these married men convince them to stay home, out of the way, raising the children. If their dough is right she doesn’t have to work. He uses her to put things in her name like cars and houses, takes her to weddings and family events (cuz if he showed up with 22-year-old Tanika, who drops it likes it hot at Shakers on the weekend, big ma would probably have a heart attack). She balances the check books and pays all the bills on time. She’s a good girl but her days of passion have been filled with changing diapers and wondering where the hell her man is, and it has left her overweight, out of shape and all together lame.

The Shooting Guard- She’s the one you never let go of and if it wasn’t for circumstances she would be the point guard. She holds you down but in a different way. She has every quality that wifey does plus she’s fly as hell. She’s probably someone else’s point guard or maybe y’all used to date years ago. Occasionally on a drunk night y’all might smash or take care of each other’s needs, if you know what I mean. She probably knows the point guard and because she respects the union, she’ll never ask for anything more than to be on the team.

The Forwards- These two women he keeps in his pocket. They’re great for out of town trips, parties and business function. This position is not permanent and will never replace your starting guards. They are just a phone call away. But you have to pay to play. Dinners, hotels and sometimes the light bill, whatever to keep her happy. The forwards are your freaks, they know their role and as long as you play your position they’ll play theirs.

The Center- She’s that ride or die bitch. You may or may not have a sexual relationship with her, and if you do, y’all only cut once or twice a year. She knows your situation and often gives advice on how you should handle the women in your life. She can hang with the guys or smoke a blunt with you dolo. She will always be there to hold you down. She doesn’t know the point guard personally, but she’s picked out enough gifts for her to be her best friend.

So let the games begin. Some coaches know how to handle their team so at the end of the year everybody is happy. The coach who spreads himself to thin and the team never wins finds himself still recruiting and creating more drama. So to my brothers, don’t dismiss this as just some female babble because it’s not. Trust me, we know the game. We just chose to play. There are some women out there who have teams of their own (go on and brush your shoulders off). But I’d like to throw a question to the fellas. Is it possible for you to ever be happy with just one woman? To my ladies, what position do you play or do you just ride the bench? Do you allow yourself to trade teams or are you going for the championship? Or is the real way to win the game is to take off your sneakers hang up your jersey and go home?

(If you want to tell Venom she’s full of ish hit her up at www.myspace.com/badgirlvenom).

Posted On The Block:
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • LinkedIn
  • Digg
  • Global Grind
  • Mixx
  • MySpace
  • RSS

2 Responses to “The Starting Line Up”

  1. BC

    Banks? Times done come to this. Write about some other shit dude.lol. I feel ya though. Interesting. Yall cats betta step ya game up.

  2. SEXY BEE

    I AM A SHOOTING GAURD WITH FORWARD PRIORITY AND CENTER GAME TOO. JUST ME AND THE WIFEY!

    THAT SHIT IS SO TRUE MY MAIN IS MARRIED AND HIS BOYS GOT A FOOTBALL ROSTER IF YOU ASK ME. BUT EVERYTIME WE HIT THE TOWN THEY GOT A NEW ONE ON THEIR ARMS. I’M ON SOME MON-SUN AT MY PALACE TYPE SHIT. SPOUSAL SUPPORT IS A B!TCH, SO SOME STAY MARRIED AND COME OVER TO PAY MY BILLS.

    LOL TO THE WIFEYS THAT PUT UP WITH THIS TYPE OF SHIT ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON. I’M GOOD THOUGH I DON’T WANT THAT MARRIED LIFE, KARMA IS A B!TCH TOO.

Leave a Reply


Categories


Blogroll


Archives

SUBSCRIBE


Meta