A little Tuesday morning fuckery at the expense of Jermaine Dupri, from my dude Charlamagne Tha God.

Charlamagne Tha God’s 10 Reasons Jermaine Dupri must be a Leprechaun a.k.a. The Luckiest Little Man in Hip Hop

(Listen to the audio here)

10. Money Ain’t a Thing Video - This video was all the Luck of the Leprechaun. Using his Leprechaun luck, a phone book, and pedal extensions, he was lucky enough to be able to reach the pedals of those hot ass cars he was driving in this video. This video did a lot for the Leprechauns image and had him mentioned in the same breath as Sean Combs, but only when people said damn JD trying to be like Puffy.

9. Kris Kross - This was one of the Leprechauns first pots of gold. He was lucky enough to discover two childhood friends, Chris Kelly and Chris Smith in 1991 at an Atlanta shopping mall. Dupri thought the two “looked like a rap group” and proceeded to gas these twelve-year olds to wear their clothes backwards. There debut album “Totally Krossed Out” went 4 xs platinum in the US and to this day nobody really knows why? I also always wondered if he encouraged them to wear there boxers backwards? If he did, with the hole in the back instead of the front, their album should have been called “Totally Assed Out”.

8. Whoever introduced him to Bow Wow - In 1998 at the age of eleven, Bow Wow was introduced to JD who sprinkled a little Leprechaun luck on Bow Wow’s young career. Now I don’t know who introduced Bow Wow to the Leprechaun but half of this pot of gold should have gone to them. Nobody gave a damn about Slow Slow Death in 1998. I mean nobody cares now, but they where damn near dead then. It was rumored that Bow Wow was a Leprechaun, but nobody would really knew until he got older. Those rumors have been shot down now that he’s older because he’s too tall to be a Leprechaun and has established himself pretty well in the music and film industry (without the Leprechaun’s assistance).

7. His Braids - JD was lucky enough to wear cornrows years after going bald. This combined with his natural Leprechaun height kept up his youthful appearance so he didn’t look like Bow Wow’s vertically challenged father in Bow Wow’s videos.

6. Da Brat - Now this is when rumors of JD being a lucky little Leprechaun really started. He swagger jacked Snoop and reincarnated his style in the form of a female MC and Da Brat was born. Even though much better MCs like Queen Latifah and MC Lyte came before her and had commercial and critical success none of them ever went platinum, but Da Brat did. She was the first female solo artist to ever go platinum. The Leprechaun strikes again.

5. The Street Single – This is what Greg Street was talking about when he said the Leprechaun was a BDS A&R. He goes and grabs pots of gold that are already out there and claims them as his own for example: Bone Crusher (Neva Scared), J-Kwon (Tipsy), Youngbloodz (Damn), Franchise Boys (I think They Like Me) and Rocko (Umma Do Me). A deaf man could hear these where going to be hits, but JD was lucky enough to sign these artists at key periods in Slow Slow Deaths existence. These records have served as life support for a label that should have been dead years ago.

4. Michael Mauldin - The Leprechauns father and former President of Columbia Records. What, you thought JD worked his way into the game? No! He was lucky enough to get handed his position in the game. This explains why he doesn’t really have an ear for talent most of his artist where introduced to him by someone else (see #8) or they where more gimmick than talent i.e., Kris Kross, Da Brat and Bow Wow, or they already had a single buzzing (see 5) and JD just stamped So So Def on it and called it his own. Who needs an ear for talent when your father was a president for a major record label? Lucky bastard!

3. The Emancipation of Mimi – Mariah Carey’s comeback record went 6 xs platinum, fueled by the singles “It’s Like That”, “We Belong Together” and “Shake it Off”, all co produced and co written by JD. This had to be the luck of the Leprechaun (see 2).

2. Janet Jackson - This is the moment when people realized JD was not human, but was an actual real live Leprechaun living among us. How did he bag Janet Jackson? The Luck of the Leprechaun!! This is how we know the Emancipation of Mimi was pure leprechaun luck because he had two chances to bring Janet back with 20 Y.O. and Discipline and couldn’t do it. He used all his pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers to bag Janet in the first place. He had no more luck left as far as she was concerned to make pots of gold appear at the end of the rainbows of her last two albums.

1. DJs playing Slow Slow Death Records – If it wasn’t for the DJ, not one record JD produced or wrote would have ever been played! If it wasn’t for the DJ, Da Brat and Bow Wow would be nobodies! If it wasn’t for the DJ, he would have never established the So So Def DJs even though we know he did this just to have a coalition of people to force his latest batch of hot garbage down the world’s throats! Now since his, “The DJ is dead” comments, the Leprechaun’s luck has run out. The DJ has no reason to support a mediocre talent, with a mediocre roster of artist and a very mediocre label. R.I.P. to the Leprechaun’s career, sadly it was already dying a Slow Slow Death.

In Case You Missed It: Jermaine Dupri says, “the DJ is dead / Greg Street tells JD to “Stop getting on the internet clowning yourself”

Damn, I guess it’s about time to hit ya’ll with that Jermaine Dupri OZONE cover. I’ll have that a little later.