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I was having problems with my Treo last week, the fuxing phone wouldn’t charge. I mean, it charged…But it charged when it wanted to charge. I can’t lie, I was starting to get tired of the b*tch. You know, I’ve had so many problems with my Treo, it was like being in a bad relationship (so, I’m gonna speak about my phone as if it were a woman). Like, I love her but sometimes it’s that I-just-wanna-slap-the-shit-outta-her type love.

So, I took my phone to the Sprint store to get it looked at, because I pay that insurance fee every month, so they better fix my shit. Anyways, I gave my Treo to the guy at the store. He looked at it and said, “Let me take it to our tech, I’ll be right back.” As dude made his way to that backroom (you know, I always wanted to know what was in the back back room in the Sprint store. They probably have a bunch of nuccas from the Best Buy Geek Squad back there putting in work. But I’ve always just wanted to see. But whatever, that’s not important), that’s when it happened…I heard someone say, “Let me upgrade u.”

My first thought, it was one of them Sprint nuccas trying to sell me a new phone, but I was wrong. No one was there. Then I heard it again, “Partna, let me upgrade u.”

WTF!?!?! “I know this phone ain’t talking to me,” I thought to myself. But it was and the conversation that followed blew my mind.

RE: Are you talking to me?
Sprint Phone: Yeah, I overheard your conversation. Treo, I can’t stand that b*tch. You need to let me upgrade u? What’s ur name?
RE: LOL. Huh? I’m Randy but everyone calls me RE.
Sprint Phone: Yeah, I’ve heard of u.
RE: What? What you mean, u heard of me?
Sprint Phone: Nucca, I’m connected to the net. I be on The Block.
RE: Oh word? That’s what’s up. Well, what’s ur name? Are u the iPhone.
Sprint Phone: Nah, I’m Instinct. I’m way hotter than that iPhone hoe.
RE: Oh, I think I heard about you. My LB mentioned u the other day.
Instinct: Yeah, I’m that new b*tch on this block. Did u see my trailer in the movie theaters?
RE: Nah, I don’t really go to the movies.
Instinct: Well, sit down at that computer over there, hun. I wanna show you something. Just push the start button.

(Re sits and pushes start button. Video ensues)

RE: Damn, ur a bad b*tch. I mean that in a good way.
Instinct: So, what’s up. U gotta let me upgrade u or what?
RE: Nah, I mean, I’m not looking for a new phone. Me & Treo, we have our problems but she’s good. We’re good.
Instinct: How long yall been together?
RE: About a year and a half.
Instinct: LOL. It’s definitely time for an upgrade.
RE: Well, I have been thinking about it. But everybody’s been telling me to get a Blackberry. But IDK.
Instinct: What! A Blackberry. Please, that b*tch don’t got nothing on me. She’s ok. But everybody’s been with her. And…she talks too much. Always BB messaging someone and up in somebody’s chat. Ur business will be all over the place. Don’t doubt urself, trust me you need me.
RE: I can’t lie, u r kinda sexy. But what about Treo?
Instinct: U need a real woman in ur life. Take care of ur calls & still fly. (I’ma good look). I’ma help ya build up ur account (I’ma good look. Better yet a hood look. Nucca I’ma good look). When ur in the meeting for the mills, you take me just to compliment the deal.
RE: Aight, aight, cut the Beyonce. I don’t even like that song.
Instinct: Nucca, u know what I’m saying. Treo is cool, but forget that hoe. I’m the new b*tch that you need in ur life. Easy web browsing, GPS system, live TV, pictures, video, radio…partna let me up grade u, grade u. Partna let me upgrade u, grade u.

Needless to say, she got me, fam. I’m rolling with Instinct now. I mean, Treo…She was good for me. She came into my life during a time that I needed her, she taught me new things but at the end of the day, we had too many problems. Now, it’s me and Instinct. The ’08 Bonnie & Clyde….Instinct & me.

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24 Responses to “She Said “Let Me Upgrade U””

  1. Kisha

    lol first off that is the funniest shit ever…where the hell do you come up with this ish…lol im dying

  2. Steelz

    Ha Ha! What a way to start off my morning! Funny thing is was talking to her sister yesterday…I think i’m going to go pick her up this weekend…lol!

  3. DJ Kryptonite

    I know the feeling my dude. Sometimes I think my Treo be stepping out on me too. She be missing calls, texts, email damn near never comes through, and I sometimes cannot even turn her on anymore SMH. I wanna upgrade but Vzw doesn’t have any ”great” PDAs, so I guess I’m stuck in this dead end relationship until the new BB comes out.

  4. O.K.

    Well I love my Blackberry. I dont think im gonna need a new bitch for a while

  5. Randy Exclusive

    Kisha, I’m an alone child, forced my entire life to have a vivid imagination to entertainment myself. Glad I could amuse you.

    But yeah, man. That Instinct is what’s up. Fuck that Treo Kryptonite. That bitch be freezing up and missing calls and shit. It’s like, she don’t know what she wants. She has too much going on in her mind, fam.

  6. Messiah

    Randy, i’ve be with mt treo for like 2 years, I’m looking at the instinct like she was Megan Goode, but i dont know, a dude kinda loyal, besides i spent money on my broad, i mean all the gucci(3rd part apps) and shit ive bought for her, i dont wanna waste it. of couse i got other phones, like the bb curve, and the 902, but the treo is like my bottom bitch, i dont know if i can replace that.

    Hows the instinct doing for you?

  7. Randy Exclusive

    I loved the Treo, man. But I had some issues with it. It went out once. It freezed up a lot and then this last thing where it wouldn’t charge just did her in for me. So, I just had to move on. The Instinct’s been cool so far. Only had it a few days but I like it. It’s just like any new relationship where you gotta get to know the broad but I think its the beginning of something special. And it just looks and feel sexy man. Real talk…fuck the Treo.

  8. Bahama

    LMAO! fun-e..

  9. Babygirl

    LMAO! You is funny! BTW, UP has a meeting tonight… lol

  10. Randy Exclusive

    Ha, you going?

  11. younGBurna

    man u krazy my dude lol..i might have to jump on the bandwagon tho…phone look kinda hard

  12. Benchwarmer

    Man I used to work at a Sprint part-time for about a year. The back room is full of boxes of phones and accessories, a workstation for the technician, battery chargers, battery-testing stations, a couple computers and other boring shit. We also kept the monitors back there that showed us what was going on with the CCTVs.

    We had this guy who used to come to the store, he went by Batman. He always wore t-shirts with an oval cut out of the chest so that he could–i shit you not–show off this giant batman logo tatted on his chest. He had batman boots, rings, and other crazy shit. He looked like a drill sergeant turned hippie. His phone was always broken, but every time our tech looked at it, it would be full of nekkit photos of hot chicks.

    You’re right about texas dudes being the craziest.

  13. Randy Exclusive

    LOL @ Batman. That was a good one.

  14. Jay Midnyte

    laughin like shit!

  15. young hef

    I got mine an hr after you did and its sick. Nuff said.

  16. Babygirl

    I went for about 15 mins and then I couldn’t take anymore… lol You seemed to be the topic of the discussion…

  17. Randy Exclusive

    Haha, what they talking about me for. I’m sure there’s a lot more to discuss. Good ole UP. LOL.

  18. joo$e

    wtf rope!? lol u must got “new phone” syndrome!

  19. Randy Exclusive

    Yes, yes I do. It’s the best phone ever.

  20. Messiah

    Aight, its been a while now with the new phone. whats the verdict?

  21. Randy Exclusive

    I love her.

  22. Messiah

    LOL, aight you sold me.

    I geuss i got a new bottom bitch. lol

  23. Writer’s Block Media

    [...] (yeah, I still refer to all objects as women. I’m gonna call my MacBook “Maxine”. My Instinct phone is named “Issy”, [...]

  24. Viloria

    Interestingly, even for accountants :) ))))

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