I watch a lot of sports, but I’ve never been able to get into the WNBA (or women’s college b-ball, for that matter). I’ve tried, I know who the good players are, but the games bore me (yes, the fact that most of the women look butch does play a part in my boredom). I will say that Candace Parker is my favorite women’s basketball player ever! She’s got skills, she can dunk and she’s fine as all outdoors.

So, last night Candace’s LA Sparks were playing the Detroit Shock when this incident occurred:

My reaction: Candace! Get outta there!

It was obvious to me what was going on. Man, those nappy headed hoes were hating on Candace Parker because she gets buckets, while staying finer than the rest of them. They were probably trying to scar her pretty face or something. You know how jealous bitches promiscuous women can be. That’s right. Your boy R.E. has a thang for Candace Parker. She’s probably the only WNBA player that could get the bizness. I’m sure there are a couple others, but CP is the truth on the court and off the court, so I don’t even see them other chicks.

You know, in high school, I dated a girl that played on the girls basketball team but that shit didn’t work out. I couldn’t really get with shawty coming home smelling like sweaty gym shorts. And on top of that, an athletic body just ain’t the same as a girl that sits on the sidelines. B-Ball chicks don’t have soft skin and pillow soft azzes. Nah, they got muscles and shit. But you know what? I’d make an exception for Candace Parker.

You know what else. Candace Parker is kinda tall.

I don’t really do tall girls. I’m 6′2” my damn self, so I don’t really like girls 5′10” or taller. It’s not that they’re not fine. I just don’t like walking up in the building and being the tall couple in the room (I’m self conscious like that). That’s just one of my things. Why me and my shawty gotta tower over all the other couples in the room. That ain’t hot. CP is 6′4”, definitely not my type. But you know what, I’d make an exception for Candace Parker.

But she’s engaged to this nucca:

This funny looking negro pictured above is former Duke University b-ball All-American and current Sacramento King, Sheldon Williams. On the court he’s pretty much an NBA bust, but off the court he scooped up Candace Parker, so he’s a winner to me. Those two kinda have that real life Love & Basketball thing going on, but I get the feeling in their one-on-one games, CP usually wins (Sheldon Williams kinda sucks like that). She probably dunks on him, too. Ok, ok, I’m done hating on dude. He got her. Congrats, Sheldon. But you know, I don’t lust over and I wouldn’t hit a married or engaged woman, buuuuuuuuuuut…I’d make an exception for Candace Parker. Sorry, Sheldon.

Say what you wanna about this woman. But if you ask me, she got it. Candace, don’t let them nappy headed hoes get to you. When it comes to women’s basketball players, she’s the baddest of all-time.

The Bulls took Derrick Rose from the University of Memphis. No surprise there, the dude is a beast. But for hoops fanatics like myself, this pick marks the start of the best draft of all the major sports. Ever since I was a kid I’ve been watching the NBA Draft faithfully. I used to remember the Top 10 draft picks from 1995-2003, but around ‘03, I stopped following the draft because I didn’t know all the foreign players and high school all-americans that were getting drafted and now I can’t remember who was drafted 1st last year, let alone in ‘03.

Still, I love the NBA. But as I watch this year, it’s a little bit different. As a kid, I used to watch the draft with excitement, as I watched college players that I looked up to get selected (while I created the players on my NBA Live video game and added them to the team that drafted them). But nowadays, I cringe as I watch kids that are damn near 10 years younger than me cash in NBA millions, while I wonder where my life went wrong. But it is what it is.

Michael Beasley, selected 2nd by the Miami Heat.

I’m still watching closely, just so I know what players I need to potentially draft for my fantasy b-ball team (I do have a title to defend next year). But you know, everyday is a potential draft day for your boy. Not in anything sports related. But being that I look at women the same way I look at a basketball lineup, I have to constantly general manage my “team.”

In cause you’re confused about what I’m referring to, you should probably go here and view a throwback post from when my girl Venom brokevdown the “Starting Five.” Basically, the Starting Five are the 5 women that play different positions in a dude’s love life. You chicks should probably read that shit, so you can figure out what position you play for your man or jump off, because I think a lot of yous get it confused.

OJ Mayo, select 3rd by the Minnesota Timberwolves.

So, when it comes to my team, I haven’t had an all-star caliber player on my roster in a couple years. The last franchise player I had was really getting buckets but after a few years, the bitch girl decided to opt out of her contract and honestly, my team hasn’t been a playoff squad since. I’ve had a lot of players come through, some with all-star potential but none of them really panned out. Mostly, I’ve had a bunch of journeywomen, that suit up for your boy, play some minutes but when it comes to long term deals, I never put offers on the table, so they pretty much end up signing with other teams and I just end up replacing them with our players. Did ya’ll get all of that? Try to keep up.

But the other day, I decided to make a blockbuster deal. I have one player on my team, shawty has mad potential but she’s only been playing limited minutes. And my line brother had a situation with a player on his team and with contract negotiations not really going in his favor, and me recognizing the trade potential in my player, I decided to offer him a trade.

The Trade went like this:

Line Brother gets
A future 1st round draft pick
A player to be named later
Sr. AKA from Winthrop University

R.E. gets
Sr. AKA from the University of South Carolina

I know, I’m giving up a lot in this trade. But I’m banking on the fact that I can immediately move this player into the starting five and she can play big minutes and help my team a lot in the future. Where as the player I’m trading, (while I’ll hate to see her go), she’s been on the team for awhile now, and I don’t think she’ll ever be more than a solid player off the bench. But she’ll probably be a star on another squad.

Russell Westbrok and Kevin Love, selected 4th and 5th by the Seattle Supersonics and Memphis Grizzles, respectively.

Hey, this is how guys think. Every time a new chick comes along, we think about what position they can play for our team. Does she have the all-star point guard skills to play wifie and run the team? Or is she more of the power forward, down to do the dirty work and pound the headboards type broad? We ask ourselves these kinda things (or at least I do). Now, I’m about to go on Facebook and scout some more prospects. But before I go, ladies and gentlemen…Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

This is the best post game interview ever! And yes, I’m saying that because Kevin Garnett shouted out South Cack! That’s right, KG was born and raised in Mauldin, SC. He did move to Chicago before his senior year of high school, after some white boys tried to set him up for the dirty, but his roots are in the Carolinas. (And Ray Allen graduated from Hilcrest High School in Dalzell, SC, near Sumter). I say this to remind my Carolina kinfolks, “anything’s possible. ANYTHING’S POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!”

Well, I thought the Lakers would win it but I was wrong. Still, I’m happy to see Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett (Doc Rivers and Paul Pierce, too) win a title. I got teary eyed when KG shouted out South Cack!

Congrats to the Celtics.

Time to crank that Queen.

Let me start by reminding ya’ll that I’m not a Lakers fan, I really just don’t want the NBA season to be over. It’s ok if the Celtics win Game 7, I just hope there is a Game 7. Even though the days between Game 6 and a possible Game 7 are few, those couple of days mean a whole lot to me. So, I’d rather see the NBA season end Thursday, as opposed to tonight. But here’s why:

10. Kobe’s Wife Is Hot

I put this picture up the other day and I’m posting it again, just so you can see that Kobe’s wife is arguably the baddest in the game on the sidelines. I don’t like to lust over a man’s wife but I just like seeing Vanessa Bryant at the games, kinda like I love seeing Tony Parker’s fine azz wife sitting courtside.

9. I Did Pick The Lakers To Win

I did pick the Lakers to win in 6. That won’t happen but if they win in 7 at least I’ll be partially right about the NBA finals. And I do like to think I know what I’m talking about.

8. WNBA Players Don’t Dunk

Well, I take that back. WNBA players can dunk, they just don’t dunk like this. I tried to get into women’s basketball, one year I even tried to play a WNBA fantasy league, but that shit just wasn’t the same. I mean, maybe if all the chicks were fine, but most of them broads are butch. Btw, Candace Parker is not butch, she can get it.

7. Baseball Sucks

I used to like baseball, but that’s back when I used to play it as a kid and I didn’t know any better. Baseball is the most boringest (shut up, I know that’s not a word, just go with it) spectator sport. I really hate the time spent between basketball season and football season.

6. Football Season Don’t Start Until August

I love football season more than I love basketball season, but I love basketball more than I love football. Did you follow that? Football tailgating and road tripping to see the Gamecocks is life from August to December. Only problem, that doesn’t start for another 2 months.

5. I Can’t Get With Ultimate Fighting

Nuccas have been trying to put me onto this ultimate fighting shit but I just can’t get with it. Why the hell do I wanna see Kimbo Slice knock a nucca’s ear off?

4. The Movies Cost Too Damn Much

I used to go to the movies a lot back in the days when gas was $1.00 but nowadays, not so much. But outside of sports, movies are the only other thing I really watch to pass the time. I went to the movies the other day, and since I lost my student ID, I have to pay full price from here on out. Man, the movies cost like $10 a ticket now. So, if I take a chick to the movies, that’s $20 off top. And image if the chick wants some popcorn or some shit. Man, that trip to the movies will be like $30-$40 dollars. WTF. I’m telling a chick quick, “yo, I’ma stop to Chick-fil-a, just put these nuggets and this chicken sandwich in your purse. Oh and this bottled water too.”

3. Entourage Doesn’t Come on Until September

Now that The Wire ended, Entourage is my favorite TV series (Nip/Tuck and The Game are a close 2nd and 3rd, respectively), and the only reason I still have HBO. But the new season doesn’t start until September (I think) and that fuxing sucks. Some people actually believe this show is better than The Wire. I mean, the show is good but people who really think that need to be tested for drugs (Eric, this means you).

2. I Don’t Have A Girlfriend

You know, sometimes being single is the shit. Especially when you wanna watch the game in peace or when you wanna go watch it with the homies and get some brews at a bar. But once b-ball season is over, that period between basketball and football season, without a girl, really blows.

1. I Love This Game

Let’s go, Lakers!

Don’t get it confused. I’m not a Lakers fan. I just predicted the Lakers to win the series (which probably won’t happen now). At this point, I just don’t want the season to be over. I’m not looking forward to watching baseball until football season starts up again. Let’s go, Kobe.

Shouts out to Rashad on the pic.

So, tonight I’m supposed to be going to this album listening party for 2 Pistols. That’s the guy from Florida that has that song with T-Pain about fuxing hoes promiscuous girls…no not Plies…the other new guy that has the song called “She Got It.” So, yeah, I told his publicist that I’d come out there, not really because she cares about me being there, people just like when Ozone comes to their events to take pictures. And I’m always down for the free food and drinks, that way I don’t have to cook anything, so it’s usually a good trade off.

But I just realized something…doesn’t Game 4 of the NBA Finals come on tonight? Yeah, the game tips off at 9. And this 2P joint is from 7-10, something has to give. It occurs to me that a lot of people in the music business don’t really keep up with sports, it’s like they’re too busy recording in the studio, popping bottles, fuxing models (or whatever it is that these rappers are into these days), to be intrigued by sports like normal human beings.

I already heard 2 Pistols’ album, it’s been on my computer for weeks and I was even gracious enough not to pull a Chuck T and put it on the internet. So, really I’m just going out to this event to show some support, since I did interview the dude before anyone else jumped on him (not that that’s something to brag about, I’m just self centered like that).

But when it comes down to it, NBA championship > [insert rapper here]’s album listening party. Unless we’re talking about Nas, Jay-Z, Andre 3000 or somebody of legendary status, I’ll catch that album when it leaks to the internet. It’s “give me sports or give me death” over here (word to Sickamore).

I’m still gonna hit up this listening party. I’m gonna shake a few hands, eat a couple chicken wangs (I hope they do have wangs), toss a couple dranks back, listening to a track or two and then I’m out. I gotta see the game.

And just for the record…

The Lake Show will tie up the series 2-2.  Watch.

In a few minute Game 1 of Lakers vs. Celtics will tipoff and I’m not talking the Sega video game (real ’80s babies know what I’m talking about). On one end you have Kobe & Co. and on the other you have the Big Three in Boston green (KG, the Truth and Jesus Shuttlesworth), and I really don’t know who I’m going for. Honestly, with the emergence of fantasy sports I’m so far removed from wins and loses that during the regular season I don’t pay attention to who wins or loses, I just look at the box scores to see how the players on my fantasy squad did. And since I’m one of those rare dudes that doesn’t have a particular team in any sport, I have no loyalty to any teams and I pretty much just cheer for players that I like or that are on my fantasy teams.

Lakers vs. Celtics has the makings of the best NBA Finals since MJ shook Byron Russell for the game winner during the 1998 Finals (damn, that was 10 years ago). So, tonight I’m excited. I know who I think will win the series but I’m not sure who to pull for.

Over the years I’ve become somewhat of a Kobe supporter. I’m not really a fan of his because of how he threw Shaq under the bus, (I know I wouldn’t hangout with Kobe for fear he’d rat me out to my girl), but I do recognize the dude’s greatness on the court. And I like to see great players succeed, just so I can say that there was greatness in my generation. I know there are a lot of Kobe haters out there but deep down inside I think most nuccas know this dude is the best thing to touch the court since Jordan hung up his overpriced sneakers.

But at the same time, I wanna see the Big 3 get their rings too.

I told nuccas the Celtics would be in the NBA Finals the day they traded for Kevin Garnett. KG and Ray Allen are two South Carolinas boys and ya’ll know how much I love my state and the people that come from it. Not to mention Ray Allen was the captain on my fantasy squad for two consecutive years, but that’s neither here nor there.

All I know is this series is gonna be a good one.

I was too young to remember the Lakers vs. Celtics rivalry and Larry Bird and Magic Johnson going at it in the ’80s but this years finals should be one to remember as far as my generation goes. But as much as I want to see Boston pull it off, I don’t see Kobe letting the Lakers lose this series. So, my 2008 NBA Finals prediction:

Lakers win the 2008 NBA Finals 4-2

Bonus: Sickamore is doing live blogging as he watches the game here. He’s kinda biased towards the Lakers but funny shit nonetheless.